


Home

by miekelele



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Family, Fix-It, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-26 09:53:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19765765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miekelele/pseuds/miekelele
Summary: A little more than a year after she became Commander of the Kingsguard, Brienne visits her father and Tarth. She reflects on the notion of Home and comes to a surprising conclusion.





	Home

**Author's Note:**

> Well hello. Do you know the meme of Theresa May strangely dancing into a room? That's me, entering this fandom without any further knowledge of a03 or let alone tumblr. My Grandma-Feels are strong today but nevermind. Starting from today I'm going to annoy you with my Braime-Stuff. As you might have realized already, English is not my major language. And even after having an academic degree in English Literature my usage of language might be unsettling bad. If you wanna give me a talk about all the mistakes I made please feel free to do so, I am eager to improve my language skills. This is my first take on fixing the SEOARITVH (Saddest end of a relationship in TV history). And also I thought Brienne might really burn out with this workload. And it was time for a little father-daughter-real talk. So, here it is. Have fun - or something like that.

It was as if Tarth had been asleep. Nothing, no really nothing had changed. The people she met on the way to her father perhaps bowed a little deeper. That was probably due to the white cloak that followed her like a bright shadow. Or the golden sword that adorned her hip. Perhaps it was also her gait that was more upright, leaving fewer questions unanswered. She no longer had to fight for her place in the world. By the gods, she had fought enough. The people of Tarth now recognized in her the heiress, the future Evenstar. She did not know what to do with this certainty. 

Except for the fact that people looked at her a little differently, nothing had changed. No destroyed houses, no begging children. Life in King's Landing had made her brutal. Where the war had destroyed everything, the war was omnipresent. She could not go anywhere without being reminded at least once of all the fire, all the suffering. The cold, the death, the tears. The tears.   
Her father waited for her, his white hair blew in the wind (weren't they blond someday?), his eyes sparkled and his arms were wide open. The only person in the world who could make her feel like a little girl, took her in his arms and wouldn't let her go. He mumbled something incomprehensible into her ear, but she knew the content was secondary. Perhaps not meant for her at all. Her father had back his lost child. The girl who went out to become a knight. The woman who came back. Being a knight. 

And she, she should be home by all means. The load on her shoulders should become smaller, a little lighter. She should smile and breathe deeply. Salt and air and water and sand, all these smells should envelop her like the softest coat. None of this happened. So much had changed and so much was the same, but she was no longer the same.   
Her father had made sure that she ate enough ("You've lost a terrible weight, little one" - little one, how ridiculous actually), her father asked her to take off her armour once. Her father wanted to see her, Brienne, not the commander of the kingsguard. She hesitantly changed her clothes in her old rooms. She replaced her armour and white cloak with a blue tunic and brown breeches. She felt naked. So quickly one got used to the sheer weight of this uniform. To the real and symbolic weight of the cloak. 

They met at his favourite place in the keep. The windows of the library, overlooking the sea, overlooking the liquid sapphire.   
"How have you been, my darling?" her father asked quietly. She looked to the right, fixed the deeper furrows on her father's forehead, and sighed. She didn't know where to start, he had probably already heard a few things and she had written the rest. And yet she would try to summarize the last few years.   
"After I joined Renly's Kingsguard and he was murdered in front of my eyes, I swore to Catelyn Stark to bring her daughters to safety. In order to do so, I was to bring Jaime Lannister to King's Landing in exchange for the girls. Lady Catelyn died at the red wedding, as you know, but I brought him to King's Landing anyway. Unfortunately the other part of the plan didn't work so well. So I searched for the girls from King's Landing and at least found Sansa, who I brought to her brother after some complications. After I avenged King Renly. Anyway, we were in Winterfell and finally Arya joined us. The rest is story. We fought the long night against the dead. We defeated them. Before that I was knighted. I wish you had been there, father. I commanded an unit. And so many died, and so many survived more than I had expected. During the queen's battle I stayed in Winterfell to protect Sansa, for Arya does not need any protection at all. When King Bran and Queen Sansa were crowned, Bran asked me if I might be the commander of his guard. And because Sansa would be safe, I accepted," she looked up, only now did she realize how fast she must have talked. Her father smiled tormentedly. He didn't say anything for a while, finally raised his hand and placed it on her cheek. "My girl. You should never have experienced this suffering. My sweet summer girl', she closed her eyes, laid her hand on her father's hand. "Nevertheless, father. All this brought me to my place in life“  
"That would certainly have been possible with less trouble, wouldn't it?" he asked and she recognized the familiar ironic glitter in his eyes. She smiled. "No, father. That would have been boring after all“

All was well. Her father was there and it was almost like before. Not that she had the most beautiful childhood on Tarth, let alone a childhood without difficulties, without fear. It was not as if the people here had always accepted her the way she was. But Tarth had granted her the best possible childhood and that - well - that was something after all. This place, however, did not give her the much needed rest every inch of her body demanded. When she had decided to leave King's Landing, also at King Bran's suggestion, she thought that she would come to rest here. She had been under tension for so many years. Always ready to fight when necessary. To kill. This tension had crept into every corner of her body. This tension made her muscles weary, her mind sleepy and her steps slower. She stumbled and could not concentrate on multiple things at once. Tarth had been her hope, she had all but expected a miracle. Had expected the doubts and the queues and all these horrors to come off her shoulders. Nothing had happened. She felt on the watch and not relaxed, she still had fears and doubted every day that she was the right one to take care of the king's safety. No, Tarth had not done what she had expected. That frustrated her even more. 

Several nights after her arrival she sat with her father at his favourite place. He had read and she had simply sat down, looked at the sea and remained silent, because they were very good with the silence, father and daughter. "When are you going to tell me all those details that you wanted to keep quiet about," he asked at some point. Brienne wasn't even surprised. Her father had always known her insanely well, after all, at some point in her life it was just her and him. Although she had feared and expected this question, she didn't really have an idea how to react. She remained silent. Maybe that was enough. 

"I'm reformulating. You don't really seem to calm down here, dear. What is on top of your heart?“, her father's gaze was loving and kind and she knew she could tell him anything. At the same time she had come to a realisation in the last few days and it worried her. And she remembered a conversation with Sansa after Winterfell was back in the hands of the Starks. The young woman had looked at her and smiled. "There is no place like your own home. Everything is a little less bad in familiar rooms“. She had not forgotten this sentence, had carried it with her like a treasure. And she had hoped that she would feel the same when she got home, but she was still restless and was looking for a way to tell her father without offending him. 

"I've often thought of Tarth and of you, Father. Very often. And in moments when it really felt like it was going to be impossible to survive a minute longer, it felt like you were my last anchor. You and this island and the water and the salt on the skin. And now I am here and-“, she faltered, looking at him. He smiled kindly, took her hand in his and inspected it thoroughly. "Now you are here and it is different than expected. But dear, so much has changed. You went as a girl and look at what you have become“, now he took her face in his hands and carefully stroked her cheeks. "You are an adult woman. You are a knight. You are a commander. You are wife and mother. Speaking of which, when are Jaime and the twins coming?“

It hit her completely unexpectedly. But of course. Her home was no longer Tarth, well, at least not exclusively. Her home were her husband's beard stubble when he kissed her. The slight snoring, which had driven her mad at first. Home, those were Joanna's little hands and Selwyn's cheerful chuckling. At home, that was the feeling of being needed and loved. It wasn't surprising that she couldn't find the peace she so desperately wanted when so much of her was missing. Jaime and Pod and the twins had to pay a visit to Casterlyrock. The Westerland people finally had a right to see the children of their lord. Brienne had not needed to ask to have a little time to herself. Bran had ordered it and Jaime had also been in her ears with it for weeks. 

"It can't be much longer. He wrote five days ago that they would be here soon," she whispered with a happy smile. 

When the next morning a servant of her father delivered the message that a Lannister ship had docked at the harbour, Brienne could no longer wait. While her father set off leisurely to officially welcome the new arrivals, Brienne galloped her mare down the hill to the harbour. She no longer knew who first came up with the idea of letting her spend several weeks without her family. She was sure it was the king. This was the most miserable idea the king had ever come up with and one more sign that, contrary to all claims, there was so much that King Bran was unable to understand.   
She tied up her mare and made her way the remaining steps through the hustle and bustle of the harbour.   
"Pod? Where's Joanna? If I show up with only one baby, she will kill me", that was clearly Jaime's voice. And she could already see the blond head of hair. After all, he was taller than most other people. He stood at the edge of the ship, Selwyn on his arm, looking around happily. In his natural hand he held something that looked like a self-made doll and somewhere in between hung his sword. "Got her, Ser Jaime! Once again she has escaped! Don't let your mother see that, little one," he hummed happily as he pinched the blonde girl's cheek, which made her laugh again. A warmth spread inside her. A warmth she had so desperately been looking for over the past week. 

"Are you admiring your beautiful husband again?" A cheerful voice pulled her from her thoughts. Jaime stood in front of her, tanned, Selwyn still on her arm, the beard neat, to her regret, his hair perfectly short. She could hardly remember seeing him like this the previous time. It must have been a while ago. She forced herself not to smile and instead tried a serious face. "I'm more distracted by the way you're holding our son. Do you want to break him," she asked seriously. Jaime's eyes widened briefly until he finally burst out laughing "My wife, sweet and friendly as usual," he commented happily before pointing his lips. "Do I get a welcoming kiss?" Brienne frowned, looked around. A few looks were directed at her, after all they were hard to miss. And she knew that she could probably wait until they were in a safe room. But she hadn't seen her husband in weeks. She had missed him. And finally she gently put her lips on his. She wanted to break away from him, really, but he deepened the kiss and she could not dissolve until her son very ambitiously pulled her hair. Immediately she took the little one on her arm, buried her face in his hair. "Hello, little darling. Mama missed you terribly"

"Mylady, Ser, Lady Commander, I swear Joanna put this in her hair on her own! I didn't pay attention for a little bit of a second," Pod said nothing more and Brienne was really afraid of what she was about to see. So she only opened one eye to see her former squire with her daughter on his arm. This daughter, however, seemed to have thought it a good idea to apply wet sand into the golden curls. She stretched her left arm towards the little girl and was happy when finally both children were safe in her arm.   
"Then let's see if everything is still attached on you. Four weeks alone with Papa and Pod are quite an adventure," she whispered lovingly.   
Her father was fighting his way through the crowd of people in front of the harbour and she closed her eyes. Home was actually no place. Home was a feeling. And this feeling accompanied her during the strongest storms. No matter where. Her home was Jaime, Joanna, Selwyn, her father and well, Pod too. Not that she intended to tell him that ever.

**Author's Note:**

> You survived! The song I was listening to while writing and thinking about his was Home by Scott Alan, sung by Shoshana Bean. It's beautiful, you should listen to it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QVr96tv7ykc


End file.
